From fear to faith | A journey of perseverance 

From fear to faith | A journey of perseverance 

‘’Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.’’ James 1:4-5 (NIV)

Not being afraid to ask the big questions and delve deep into God’s character were foundational to ICF-Noord member Kiki taking the wonderful step of baptism earlier this year. A journey of perseverance which may have taken many years, miles and struggles but was full of God’s loving patience and kindness. 

Kiki shares her journey with us today with the wish and prayer to inspire others to take a step of faith. 

‘’Let's go back to the beginning and how I started to know more about being Christian, about Jesus. I'm from Vietnam and at the age of 24 I decided I wanted to study abroad. Even though I was doing a good job as a teacher I realised that it wasn’t for me. 

I had this feeling that I wanted to explore and the Netherlands came to mind as I had travelled there with my Grandma. I thought of it as a multi-cultural land where people spoke English. I was really excited to study, to have more friends, honestly just to get out. 

But when I arrived in the Netherlands to study in Rotterdam, it was totally different. It was really hard for me to adapt. The environment, the culture, everything. I felt so lonely.  

I didn’t practice speaking English much in Vietnam, so in the beginning I was very shy here and afraid that when I spoke English, people wouldn’t fully understand me. And when I listened in class, I felt like I didn’t understand everything, so I was afraid. 

All I could do was focus on studying. I didn’t really have friends or anyone to talk about my feelings inside and at that point, I was thinking very negatively.’’

Persevering in friendship 

‘’I'm grateful that I did meet one classmate though, Shahroze. He took time to talk to me, and it felt like we were teammates. He was friendly an understood my culture more as he is also from Asia. I praise God that He put Shahroze in my life at that time. 

The time came for us to start internships as part of our course, and I knew I would have to interview in English which was scary, but I had Shahroze and two other classmates as friends. They were there to help me step out of my comfort zone. 

Still, it wasn’t easy, the negative thoughts came back. Even though I had a good CV from working in Vietnam I started thinking, I don't have the skills, the basic things they need. So, I cried a lot and started wondering ‘why I am here? why don’t I just leave?’.

When your thoughts get like that, whatever people say, you cannot listen. I was so afraid.’’

Persevering in prayer 

‘’I was still able to speak honestly with Shahroze though and share my negative thoughts. He told me that he grew up in a Christian family and that when times were hard that he would bring things to God. 

That might sound like a real normal Christian thing but for me, at that time, it was really powerful.

He said, ‘’okay, I'm going to pray for you’’. 

You know people can easily say ‘everything will be fine, you can do it’ but it's hard for someone to say ‘I can pray for you’. But, it's a beautiful thing. 

So Shahroze prayed. He asked God not for a list of things like the job at the company but for God to give me courage and strength in place of fear. The prayer really touched my heart and I was crying. 

And at some point, I felt I'm not afraid anymore and can do it. Slowly, I gained confidence and got an interview.

Again, before the interview Shahroze prayed with me and asked God to take away my worry. During the interview I was able to be myself and I felt very comfortable. And somehow, the next day, the company called me and said, we really like you and offered me the internship.’’

Persevering in curiosity 

‘’I felt the prayers helped a lot and I soon became curious. For me the prayers were beautiful, I had never thought anything like that before. I wanted to know what had shaped Shahroze and made him rely on God. So, I decided to try his church

The service was in Dutch but the people there were really friendly and helped me by translating materials into English. It felt like I was family. They really care about you. They really put effort in. It was beautiful. 

But the understanding was still hard so a lady in the church suggested an international church and introduced us to Pastor Fred at ICF. We spoke to Fred and he mentioned that an Alpha course was coming up: a place where you could explore Christianity and ask questions. 

In Alpha I felt at home. Everyone was patient, friendly and understanding. There were others there exploring who God was too, so we had something in common and were friends. 

You know, when I look back on this moment, I see that when you really want to know more about God He shows you the way at the right time.’’

Persevering in church family

‘’I was so busy after Alpha, I put church aside but a few months later something came to my mind, and I really thought I should go to ICF. 

Every Sunday Shahroze and I would go but I didn’t really know how to worship. I would sit there and just pray and sing with everyone. 

What I noticed most though was the love I received from the people at church. Of course, I know I received the love from God but this was expressed I would say through the people in church. They could see I was struggling and helped me to not be afraid and showed me the power of the Bible in taking away our fears. 

Slowly, slowly, I prayed, I read, I understand more of the Bible and I felt, yes, I have strength. And when the time came to interview for a second internship, I felt so far from that shy girl who was thinking about going back to Vietnam to make everything easier. 

If you had asked me at that time, ‘are you afraid?’ I would have said, ‘no because God gives me strength and even if I don’t get the job I am going to be fine. God knows what I need. I have faith in Him.’

Even if He surprises you with the outcome of your prayers. You can trust him. 

Praise God that everything went really, really well. Not only did I get the job but also a good manager and team.’’

Persevering in understanding

‘’But the thing is, I knew I couldn’t just pray. I wanted to understand the Bible, Christianity and God more. Like what really is the holy spirit? What does it mean when people say three in one? When we have doubt how do we put Jesus in the centre again? How do we worship him with everything in our lives? How do we know what is right and wrong? 

I felt God really wanted me to find out more about Him, so I shared this with Pastor Fred, and he said there was a Bible study about to begin that I could join.

I was so grateful for this but also that Jesus gave me the courage to speak up and share my wish to learn more. 

After spending some time reading and learning more about the Bible and what it was to be a child of God I told Shahroze [my now boyfriend] that I wanted to be baptised. I had no doubt and with ICF, I began a beautiful eight-week baptism course.’’

Preserving in confidence 

‘’Fast forward to today, now baptised, I feel so grateful for God’s blessings.  I can deal with my problems. I am not afraid anymore. I trust in Him. 

My personality has also changed. I don't compare myself to others anymore which for me is a big thing.  People can easily become negative about their appearance when they look at others. But when you focus on Jesus instead, you don't care about what others think about you. You're free.

I just really want to be myself. It's a really big change for me. You can't imagine how big it is - it’s a miracle. 

I think my family also recognise it. All the time before, I fought, I cried and I really wanted to go back to Vietnam but I can confidently say God gave me courage to persevere. I have come a long way. Even now when I fail, I feel I can share it with my Mum and say I am still going to be ok. 

For sure, at some point, you doubt yourself. But you pray and then you get yourself back up again and realise that Jesus is going to somehow show you the way, even if it’s not immediate. He might, like me, send someone to talk to you, to help you focus and show you the way through fear.’’

Persevering onwards

‘’Mine was a long journey (it took 9 years!) but God was always there. He knows how to slowly give you courage and give you time. For me, He knew I had to take time to study and understand Him more. 

I don’t understand everything but I have the foundations, and at ICF I have a community around me. I am part of a missional community and Shahroze [now my fiancé] and I are taking part in a marriage course. 

As I look ahead, I have a feeling that I am going to motivate people whereas before I was a very negative person. I think God wants me to go with Him and just as I have been loved by people, I need to give love to those around me and encourage them. If I see my friends struggling, I can help inspire them by sharing my story with Jesus at the centre so they too can overcome their challenges. It’s a beautiful thing.’’

If you have been inspired by Kiki’s story and want to also find out more about Christianity then don’t hesitate to reach out to us, join one of our upcoming Alpha courses or simply read more here. We praise God for bringing Kiki to our ICF community and all those around her who have encouraged her in her faith.